I am not afraid of any of the following:
- Bats (They eat mosquitoes. They are my friends.)
- Snakes (I took a 6 foot bullsnake to kindergarten for show and tell)
- Spiders (See bats)
- Heights
- Etc.
I would rather the following not come into my house, but as long as they're outside, I will not react:
- Silverfish
- Millipedes
- Mice
- Ticks
Unfortunately, the following will cause a major freakout and I MAY allow my child to be bitten by a turtle during said freakout:
It all started innocently enough. A midmorning Sunday hike before the mercury rose too far, so off to the Avoca Prairie Mike, Lambeau, Nora and I went. We left Gatsby at the cabin as apparently he is some sort of tick delicacy (we pulled more than 30 off him one evening a few weeks ago).
Lambeau found a turtle crossing the path.
Nora went to check it out. As I am in the process of moving her away from said turtle because it is getting orny and she is getting a little rough, I notice that the trail is literally COATED in the bodies of dead frogs. COATED.
There are live frogs hopping everywhere merrily. Presumably their dead brethren have been smushed by trucks driving down the trail toward the Wisconsin River or overheated in the recent heatwave. At this point I literally start choking and hyperventilating at the same time. And forget that Nora is trying to "pet" an orny turtle. Her yell brings me back to reality long enough to assist Mike in calming her down and checking out her finger. It really does resemble a tasty little morsel. Mr. Turtle probably thought it was his lucky day - being hassled by a mutant five-pronged earthworm. Then I go back into "there are dead frogs everywhere mode."
Once assured that Nora was still mostly in one piece we continued the hike. Honestly, had I been barefoot I'm pretty certain I'd have confessed to both the JFK and Lincoln assassinations and admitted that I am, in fact, from another planet. And whatever else you need from me. I just. didn't. look. down.
Approximately halfway down the trail a sign indicates that it is closed to motor vehicles to the river, so I am able to hike in relative non-hyperventilating comfort. Until we head back and I realize that I have walk BACK THROUGH THE FROGS. And we did. I stared at the trees and kept muttering something to Mike about how brave I was being.
So yep, that's it folks. I'm pretty much a neglectful parent. And terrified of dead amphibians. So I'm an embarrassing neglectful parent. Awesome.
